well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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