somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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