I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
