So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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