The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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