I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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