I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
