Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.