Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples