I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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