i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
