Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch