I'm jealous of your bromance
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you