Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i am craving dick and cupcakes