I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is my gift to your gina
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.