I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
