Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
