just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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