Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
