You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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