Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
