Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
