he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
