That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize