just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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