I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently you make a good broom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize