The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
