i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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