he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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