Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
