I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
