Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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