i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
