ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
