Non-Jews are for practice
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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