btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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