I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
