Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
