so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just crazy horny about you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
