Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
