you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize