So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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