Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
