found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
