I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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