i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
