I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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