My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
