Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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