i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
