You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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