i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
