is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
