You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize