She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize