I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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