I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why do cheetos always look like penises
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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