She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How external is "for external use only"?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
