I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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