True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
