I think i peed on brittanys purse
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
