So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
