Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
