I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
