i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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