If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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