Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
