I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
