I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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