you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
