gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
