I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
