if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
