i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
