Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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