I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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