What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
