I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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