what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
