i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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